Well it's been awhile since I have been here and alot has happened. My life has changed forever Oct 23rd 2006 my life partner passed away. She was only 37 and my best friend. I am afraid now I dont know how to live with this I want my old life back it was the first time I was really happy. We shared so much together. Its been six months and I still cant sleep in our bed. I have never felt so much pain to the point that I say to myself that when my mom goes there will not be anything for me to stay here for. That I hope god takes me. I was a strong person before all this and now Im afraid to live in this world with out anyone. My friends and family say all the time but you have us if anything but they dont understand when you come in that door after work and no one is there. I dont understand this test God has given me they say you are not to ask god why but I do I ask him everyday. If you look down at one of my post we now know who was number 3 when my mom said who is next to die I would have never thought her so young and full of life and gave so much and so many plans we had for the future our lives were just starting in away. I love you and miss you my love and if it is true about something after this world I hope it is you who will be there first to greet me.

Oh I forget this will be coming on the 14th we are only getting the couch and chair but this is a big step for mom throwing out the old for the new. So now we are painting the walls this week. We are doing a pale yellow. I have been looking for idea's for a rug and everything my new pet project.

Well it's that time of the year Halloween and I hate it. My friend Kim always has a party but this year I dont think she is going to have it with losing her mom and everything. Even as a child I really wasn't into it. Maybe my mom didin't make a big deal out of it I don't know. But I did get my pumkin for outside and mums.

Well Im back from vacation and I have to say it was not a good one . First of all Saturday was the burial for my friends mom and then Sunday we got a call that my cousin had a stroke and was in a coma and most likey will not come out of it. So the whole first part of the week was in the hospital and on Tuesday we got the call that she had passed away. I really felt bad for my mom this is also the month that my father and grandmother had died five years ago. She even said to me its always in three's Judy Im so scared who is next.

Well today is my last day of work and then Im on vacation. We are not going any were but we want to try to do day trips. Sometime this week my girlfriend wants to go to the Intrepid. And I want to go to little Italy for the Italian feast. We both love going to the city. Plus this weekend Im having some family over for dinner. But just being off of work is better then anything else.

I loved it and can't wait to see it next week. I wonder if he is in love with him?

Ladies why cant you get it in the bowl. Everyday at work there are at least 3 stalls I have to pass up because some one pissed on the bowl. I mean Im a women and I have never missed getting it in the bowl. There are times when they dont even flush. HELLO! So if you are one of these women that have this habit please let me know why and of cause no one will know who you are on here. So feel free to tell us all and maybe someone out there might understand why because I know I never will .

Yesterday I found out my friends mom died. I felt so bad knowing how she must have felt to hear that her mom was gone and you cant do anything about it. I remember when this happened to me I just wanted to hit rewind and make that day go away. I alway remember before losing a parent hearing about someone going threw it and thinking how am I going to handle it. I still have my mom with me and I think about having to go threw it all over again and knowing it will be worse this time because she is all I have left.

Well I have not written in a long time but I'm back. Everything is going well . My plants are drowning with all this rain we are having . Oh yeah I quit smoking and its been two days and I'm going fucken crazy. This is very hard I have to say. I really want it to last and be able to do this.


I never did quit.

WOW

Easter

Well it was just the three of us but my friend Rich came with his partner it was the first time I was meeting him. They only stayed for about two hours. Then we barbecued some steaks. It's was just us so why the big dinner and actually we enjoyed it more. At times its said that we don't have alot of family to share the holidays with. I remember growing up everyone was over at our house but things change. So now we make the best of it